hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
