I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
