Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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