she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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