You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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