I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Randomize
