I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize