Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just blew my weed a kiss
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
