You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
