Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize