Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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