All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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