there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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