Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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