I showed him my bush... on skype.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize