trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
