I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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