Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Green mimosas i think yes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
