he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
