Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
