how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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