Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
