So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
