Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
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we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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