in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
