My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
