I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
