Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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