I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
