I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I believe in your delicious
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Someone signed my nipple.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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