That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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