So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
