how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
