theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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