you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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