I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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