you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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