what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
love makes seman taste better
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
