We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
