its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
