Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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