After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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