Im at strip club and am horny
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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