Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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