Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
