If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
