So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
