Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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