i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize