Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
