I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
