I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My ATM looks so different sober.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
