I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
