You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
