let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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